A question for the ladies

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callmeJay

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I need a ladies point of view and want a response.
I was in a relationship 4 or 5 years ago this lady was using me to make her ex jealous, well he married someone else, she broke up with me and I was devastated.  But I moved on,  but it seems, every time I try and talk to Christian ladies, they brush me off in favor of some douch.  So my question is,.

1. Why should I believe in true love?  I'm Saved, I accepted Christ as my saviour, but I'm beginning to doubt true love even exists and I'm not talking about God's Love,  but romance love.

2. Why do ladies complain that Guys are jerks?  I'm not, I'm what you'd call. A "nice Guy "

3. Why do ladies often use the quote "it's not about looks or money " when all the times I've seen, it is.

4. I'm shy,  I admit,  but I've been in the past year out there talking to ladies and they brush me aside.


So do you actually have a good answer.












 

lnf

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Well, Jay, I’ll give it a try.

I’m a skinny girl and I love the Lord.  So I meet two of your criteria.  I don’t know you, so I have no idea if I’d love you for you.  I doubt that I am a few years younger than you, seeing as how I’m a wrinkly old woman.  ;)

1. Why should you believe in true love?  Well, I don’t think you actually do…at least not in any reciprocal sort of way.  What I typed above is based upon your “prayer request”.  That is not a “true love” type of list, in my opinion.  In other words, you want a woman who will love you for you, but you have already placed conditions on your love for her.  Fat chicks need not apply!

2. You might want to revisit your statement that you are a “nice guy”.  Based upon your few posts, you come across as an arrogant person.  I’ve known plenty of men who show a similar attitude in their views of women.  Oh, and yes, they are jerks!  Remember, one does not need to be abusive or unfaithful to still qualify as a jerk.

3. Well, it’s not all about looks or money, except when it is.  Based upon your stated criteria for a suitable wife, you don’t have any right to complain about a woman who uses similar external criteria in her search for a suitable husband.  You know…what’s good for the goose is good for the gander!

4. Jay, being shy does have its disadvantages, but it’s not an impossible problem to overcome.  In all honesty, it would be a good idea to pray about your role in why you haven’t found “true love”.  It might be the fact that you have a stilted view of what true love looks like.  It might be that you are giving off a negative “vibe”.  It might be that you are “looking for love in all the wrong places”.  And I’m not talking about a physical place, I’m talking about where you’ve placed your priorities.  Think about it.  You have placed that she must love the Lord LAST on your list!  Frankly, I believe that should be the first thing on your list…and there should be no other criteria listed under it.  In other words, that should be the only thing on your list.  Modify your prayer to simply ask God to place His choice of a wife for you in your life.  Take away all your preconceived notions and then just see what God does!

5. In closing, I would ask you to go to your Bible and review the role of a husband in a marriage.  He is supposed to love his wife like Christ loves the church.  If you change your focus away from the externals, you might just see a lady who does the same.  Who knows…she might already be in front of you, but you can’t see her because she is a few pounds overweight and a couple of years older.  And she sees you as one of the “jerks” because that’s the vibe you gave her when you brushed her aside to talk to her skinny friend.

Jay, I will pray for you, but not in the way you asked.  I will pray that you will be a Godly husband to a Godly wife.  Because in truth, that is where true love can be found!
 
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callmeJay

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Thank you inf , after reading what you said, I wouldn't blame the lady for having a set criteria,. Your right I ought to only be praying for a Godly wife and asking the Lord to mold me into the type of man that I need to be,  I do apologize for coming off as arrogant, I'm really not like that.  So I hope you'll forgive me in that. Do pray for me. Thank you for the advice
 
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Timothy

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callmeJay said:
I need a ladies point of view and want a response.
I was in a relationship 4 or 5 years ago this lady was using me to make her ex jealous, well he married someone else, she broke up with me and I was devastated.  But I moved on,  but it seems, every time I try and talk to Christian ladies, they brush me off in favor of some douch.  So my question is,.

1. Why should I believe in true love?  I'm Saved, I accepted Christ as my saviour, but I'm beginning to doubt true love even exists and I'm not talking about God's Love,  but romance love.

2. Why do ladies complain that Guys are jerks?  I'm not, I'm what you'd call. A "nice Guy "

3. Why do ladies often use the quote "it's not about looks or money " when all the times I've seen, it is.

4. I'm shy,  I admit,  but I've been in the past year out there talking to ladies and they brush me aside.


So do you actually have a good answer.
You need a genuine CHRISTIAN lady in your life. I know many who are lovely.
 

lnf

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callmeJay said:
Thank you inf , after reading what you said, I wouldn't blame the lady for having a set criteria,. Your right I ought to only be praying for a Godly wife and asking the Lord to mold me into the type of man that I need to be,  I do apologize for coming off as arrogant, I'm really not like that.  So I hope you'll forgive me in that. Do pray for me. Thank you for the advice
Jay, of course I forgive you!!  But it's easy for me to do that, because we don't know each other in real life.  I appreciate that you seem to have taken my comments to heart.  I thought I might have been so rough on you that you would discount everything I said in its entirety. 

I was somewhat surprised to see that you are 28.  You come across as someone much younger.  I'm not a trained counselor by any stretch of the imagination, but I did go through Christian counseling after my husband died and our son got into serious legal trouble.  It helped me immensely.  In another thread that you started, someone suggested that you come across as bitter, due to the relationship with your former girlfriend.  I suggest that you consider Christian counseling to help you resolve any unresolved issues that inhibit you from fulfilling your God-ordained future.  With the right counselor, I have no doubt that you will be healed as much as I was.

Jay, I am serious...please consider my words.  You are now a burden upon my heart.  I want nothing more for you than a fulfilled life in a fulfilling marriage.  But I honestly feel like you have some work to do to see that in reality.  Please...consider my words...

I will continue to pray for you, Jay.       
 

JrChurch

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Inf gave some good advice in a nice way.  My words may not come across as nicely.  Think social skills, please.  Who comes into a ladies room to ask advice of ladies and then uses a crude word?  And if you don't know which word I am referencing, then you really need help. 

Good day. 
 

bradtown

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callmeJay said:
I need a ladies point of view and want a response.
I was in a relationship 4 or 5 years ago this lady was using me to make her ex jealous, well he married someone else, she broke up with me and I was devastated.  But I moved on,  but it seems, every time I try and talk to Christian ladies, they brush me off in favor of some douch.  So my question is,.

1. Why should I believe in true love?  I'm Saved, I accepted Christ as my saviour, but I'm beginning to doubt true love even exists and I'm not talking about God's Love,  but romance love.

2. Why do ladies complain that Guys are jerks?  I'm not, I'm what you'd call. A "nice Guy "

3. Why do ladies often use the quote "it's not about looks or money " when all the times I've seen, it is.

4. I'm shy,  I admit,  but I've been in the past year out there talking to ladies and they brush me aside.


So do you actually have a good answer.
You probably need to pray to God to find a lady that can change you to a better person. Because this is why i do every morning. Hopefully, that would help you.
 

subllibrm

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A "nice Christian guy" that calls other people a "douche".

Maybe we have a clue buried in here somewhere.  8)
 

lnf

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bradtown said:
You probably need to pray to God to find a lady that can change you to a better person. Because this is why i do every morning. Hopefully, that would help you.
bradtown, I respectfully disagree with both your advice and your prayer.  Plenty of failed marriages were based upon a similar premise.  Granted, I most often hear the woman say something like:  “I’ll change him after we are married”, “I’ll break him of that after we are married”, or other such similar nonsense.  So you might be a step ahead of those particular women’s husbands, because you already acknowledge your need to change. 

But you’re looking for change in the wrong place.  It is not another person’s responsibility to change you to be a better person.  Your personal growth is between you and God! 

Perhaps a better prayer would be to ask God to mold you into a Godly husband, so that you will be ready when He introduces you to the Godly wife He has selected for you.

Now, having said all that, I’d be remiss if I didn’t say that marriage is hard work at times.  You and your wife will need to knit yourselves together, which isn’t an easy process.  But if you put God first and follow His guidance, you will be miles ahead of most couples. 

Addendum:  bradtown, I prepared this response before I read your post about your twitter lady.  Granted, I'm a wrinkly old woman, so I'm behind the times and quite possibly making mountains out of molehills, but I have serious concerns of where your mind is going.  It seems to me that you are very close to actually stalking that lady.  Please reassess this situation before you proceed any further with her.   
 
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