Bullying.

[ALAYMAN]

As many of you know, we recently had a teenage boy commit suicide due to bullying.  The magnitude of the tragedy cannot be described in words.  I don't want this to ever happen to anybody I know again.  Sometimes schools are given the <deserved> rep that they gloss over, or are apathetic towards bullying.  Sports programs are notorious for allowing such hazing behavior to be a rite of passage.  So...

Were you bullied as a kid?

Were you a bully as a kid?

As a parent, what did you do about your child being bullied, and did it have the desired/intended effect?

 

[christundivided]

I believe bullying is magnified today due to some supposed higher morality being  taught. In my time... We'd just fight it out and become friends. Today.... Our kids are taught to be pansies who are suppose to hide it all inside without responding.

 

[.tim]

As many of you know, we recently had a teenage boy commit suicide due to bullying.  The magnitude of the tragedy cannot be described in words.  I don't want this to ever happen to anybody I know again.  Sometimes schools are given the <deserved> rep that they gloss over, or are apathetic towards bullying.  Sports programs are notorious for allowing such hazing behavior to be a rite of passage.  So...

Were you bullied as a kid?

Were you a bully as a kid?

As a parent, what did you do about your child being bullied, and did it have the desired/intended effect?

I remember being bullied as a child. It wasn't pleasant.

 

[Smellin Coffee]

I was bullied, not as bad as some and not as little as some.

When I tell my bully stories to my kids, they are amazed because they have experienced very little bullying. What is even more surprising is that I went to a Christian school and they have been public school educated. We've been very fortunate that the public school systems my kids attended all have had a zero tolerance policy when it comes to bullying. And that gets enforced moreso than drugs/alcohol rules.

 

[Liberty1]

As many of you know, we recently had a teenage boy commit suicide due to bullying.  The magnitude of the tragedy cannot be described in words.  I don't want this to ever happen to anybody I know again.  Sometimes schools are given the <deserved> rep that they gloss over, or are apathetic towards bullying.  Sports programs are notorious for allowing such hazing behavior to be a rite of passage.  So...

Were you bullied as a kid?

Were you a bully as a kid?

As a parent, what did you do about your child being bullied, and did it have the desired/intended effect?

Just about every child and adult has faced a bully somewhere along the way. Looking back at my school days, I wish I had rammed a guys head into the locker a few times (all in the name of Christian love, of course). I think we teach "turning the other cheek" so much that we forget to balance it out with"...and having done all, stand." To those who think Jesus was/is a pacifist, they need to re-read what He is going to do at Armageddon.

Teaching sons to be good Christians is not the same as teaching them to be good pacifists.

 

[ItinerantPreacher]

As many of you know, we recently had a teenage boy commit suicide due to bullying.  The magnitude of the tragedy cannot be described in words.  I don't want this to ever happen to anybody I know again.  Sometimes schools are given the <deserved> rep that they gloss over, or are apathetic towards bullying.  Sports programs are notorious for allowing such hazing behavior to be a rite of passage.  So...

Were you bullied as a kid?

Were you a bully as a kid?

As a parent, what did you do about your child being bullied, and did it have the desired/intended effect?

Just about every child and adult has faced a bully somewhere along the way. Looking back at my school days, I wish I had rammed a guys head into the locker a few times (all in the name of Christian love, of course). I think we teach "turning the other cheek" so much that we forget to balance it out with"...and having done all, stand." To those who think Jesus was/is a pacifist, they need to re-read what He is going to do at Armageddon.

Teaching sons to be good Christians is not the same as teaching them to be good pacifists.

Can I get an amen?

 

[subllibrm]

I am going to have to agree with CU on this one. I will try to use a little less caustic phrasing.

First to answer the questions:

Yes
Yes

I was a boy. Not an excuse just an observation.

Now to my view on all of this. The magnification that CU refers to is an outgrowth of our love affair with "self esteem". We trail the world in many areas of education but lead by huge margins for self esteem. Kids are taught from the get go that they should never have to feel bad about themselves. The focus is on self. The focus is on feelings. The focus is horribly misdirected IMO.

I will give another common example that we have all seen. The church drama queen. No one has ever dealt with the life struggles she has. Bad marriage. Rotten kids. In debt up to the eye balls. 100 lbs over weight. No self respect because all she was ever taught to look for was self esteem. For clarity's sake the church drama queen is often a male.

Aman, you know my heart breaks for you and this young man's family. We have walked through these waters twice as a church in recent years. I mean no disrespect for you or this family. I am just trying to answer your question as honestly as possible.

Bill

 

[The Rogue Tomato]

I was bullied mercilessly as a kid.  I did not handle it well, especially the day in 7th grade when I got beat up before classes started.  I don't recall ever considering suicide, though. 

EDIT:  My parents didn't know about it.  My sister knew, though, and she was helpful.  My kids were only mildly bullied at times.  I confronted the bully's parents and kept my kids away from the bullies after that, because the parents intended to do nothing. 

 

[ALAYMAN]

I am going to have to agree with CU on this one. I will try to use a little less caustic phrasing.

First to answer the questions:

Yes
Yes

I was a boy. Not an excuse just an observation.

Now to my view on all of this. The magnification that CU refers to is an outgrowth of our love affair with "self esteem". We trail the world in many areas of education but lead by huge margins for self esteem. Kids are taught from the get go that they should never have to feel bad about themselves. The focus is on self. The focus is on feelings. The focus is horribly misdirected IMO.

I will give another common example that we have all seen. The church drama queen. No one has ever dealt with the life struggles she has. Bad marriage. Rotten kids. In debt up to the eye balls. 100 lbs over weight. No self respect because all she was ever taught to look for was self esteem. For clarity's sake the church drama queen is often a male.

Aman, you know my heart breaks for you and this young man's family. We have walked through these waters twice as a church in recent years. I mean no disrespect for you or this family. I am just trying to answer your question as honestly as possible.

Bill

While I completely agree with the fact that there's too much "self-esteem" building (ie, a trophy for every kid just for participating), I'm not sure that it is that simple.  Yes, there is certainly a lot of awareness that is constantly brought to bear for all sorts of "causes", but that's not always a bad thing.  And the fact is that not all kids are able to stand up to bullys.  Sometimes they run in packs.  Those situations are often made worse by the fact that the bullys follow the individual home from school by way of social media.  Back in the day, once you left school, there was at least a reprieve for a spell, but the harrassment now can be non-stop.  I'm all for getting a kid to stand up for himself, but the dynamics seem to have changed.  ALAYWIFE (the public educator, also bullied as a high schooler for being the popular/pretty kid)  says that kids are reticent to get involved now (for fear of having it turned on them) and rather than helping, many are more likely to join in with the taunting and teasing. 

 

[ALAYMAN]

I was bullied mercilessly as a kid.  I did not handle it well, especially the day in 7th grade when I got beat up before classes started.  I don't recall ever considering suicide, though.

I wasn't "mercilessly" bullied, but the people I know who were likewise bullied as a kid all say the same thing as you, that the experience really was crappy, but they never thought about resorting to a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

 

[T-Bone]

As many of you know, we recently had a teenage boy commit suicide due to bullying.  The magnitude of the tragedy cannot be described in words.  I don't want this to ever happen to anybody I know again.  Sometimes schools are given the <deserved> rep that they gloss over, or are apathetic towards bullying.  Sports programs are notorious for allowing such hazing behavior to be a rite of passage.  So...

Were you bullied as a kid?

Were you a bully as a kid?

As a parent, what did you do about your child being bullied, and did it have the desired/intended effect?

Just about every child and adult has faced a bully somewhere along the way. Looking back at my school days, I wish I had rammed a guys head into the locker a few times (all in the name of Christian love, of course). I think we teach "turning the other cheek" so much that we forget to balance it out with"...and having done all, stand." To those who think Jesus was/is a pacifist, they need to re-read what He is going to do at Armageddon.

Teaching sons to be good Christians is not the same as teaching them to be good pacifists.

Watch out ...someone here is likely to call you "Rush".  LOL

 

[Exell]

I think the deterioration of the home and absence of prominent male role models have something to do with it as well. It would be especially tough on a young boy to be bullied at school and then to not receive the acceptance and approval of a Dad/male figure at home. A young man can take a lot if he knows dad is in his corner.

 

[ItinerantPreacher]

The other large difference between "then" and "now" was consequences.

We live in an era of coddled children with uninterested parents. We also live in a "judge not" era, so no one ever tells the bully that it is not ok, as a matter of fact it so not ok that there will be expulsion from school, a trip to the wood shed when you get home, and a month of grounding and extra chores on top. Instead, we tell the bully that we understand, that it isn't his fault, and would he please try to be nicer and respect other people in a meaningful fashion.

I was bullied until I was 8. I came to the truck from school without my lunchbox because two 10 yr old kids were playing pig in the middle with it and me. My dad said i a firm voice "were not going home till you go get your lunchbox". So, I walked up to the first kid and hit him as hard as I could, then ran at the other kid and he dropped my lunchbox and took off running. I pick up my lunchbox with my now smashed glass thermos and went and sat in the truck, dad said "did you get your lunchbox?", I said "yes", he said "good, don't let them take it away form you anymore". I got in a few tussles, but I was not bullied again, nor did I bully anyone.

The key to it was may parents, in this case my dad. They certainly did not want me in a fight, and they made that clear, but they didn't want me to walk away from one that needed to be fought either.

We seem to have lost the balance between being a people who do not start fights but will stand for right and have gone to a people who will not fight no matter the consequences.

 

[Exell]

I was especially sad at the funeral yesterday and consumed with the thought, that though God will use this for His glory somehow, it seems now to be a reproach. To the hundreds of the community that were present, it seems that the church and God's grace failed this kid. Which led me to this thought, we are not teaching our kids how to walk in God's grace. Sunday School is a bunch of stories and admonitions to 'obey your parents' but we leave out 'in the Lord'. Young people need to be taught how to be strong in the Lord, how to humbly receive his grace and they need learn that it is sufficient for their needs.

 

[Bruh]

There was a kid my freshman year in high school that was also a freshman he road my bus as well.  He bullied me around for a few months.  I told my dad what was going on, well if any of you knew my dad you would have to understand that he grew up on the wrong side of the tracks.  And then ended up being sent to the Marines as a court order back when they did stuff like that. 

Well, my dad said next time he says the slightest thing to you walk up to him and slap him as hard as you can in front of everybody.  He said if you do that the kid will never mess with you again.  He also said that if you do not do this you will be in trouble, because I will ask you in a couple of days.  I'm not saying this because he is my dad but he is a true tough guy..........I've seen him in action..........yes we have many years ago drank together in bars.  Anyway  I got stories. 

Well, a day or two passes and this kid starts to walk up to me for lunch and I can already fill my stomach turning but before he finished walking to me I started walking to him and slapped him in his face and began to punch him till he hit the ground and once he hit the ground I began to kick him.  LOL!! 

After that well............................ when I see people I went to high school with we still laugh about it and I even tell them the only reason I did it was because my dad told me to.  LOL!!  Don't get me wrong I have been beat down myself and left for dead in ditches. 

 

[christundivided]

I am going to have to agree with CU on this one. I will try to use a little less caustic phrasing.

First to answer the questions:

Yes
Yes

I was a boy. Not an excuse just an observation.

Now to my view on all of this. The magnification that CU refers to is an outgrowth of our love affair with "self esteem". We trail the world in many areas of education but lead by huge margins for self esteem. Kids are taught from the get go that they should never have to feel bad about themselves. The focus is on self. The focus is on feelings. The focus is horribly misdirected IMO.

I will give another common example that we have all seen. The church drama queen. No one has ever dealt with the life struggles she has. Bad marriage. Rotten kids. In debt up to the eye balls. 100 lbs over weight. No self respect because all she was ever taught to look for was self esteem. For clarity's sake the church drama queen is often a male.

Aman, you know my heart breaks for you and this young man's family. We have walked through these waters twice as a church in recent years. I mean no disrespect for you or this family. I am just trying to answer your question as honestly as possible.

Bill

I was trying to be nice

 

[ALAYMAN]

The other large difference between "then" and "now" was consequences.....

We seem to have lost the balance between being a people who do not start fights but will stand for right and have gone to a people who will not fight no matter the consequences.

I had pretty much the same upbringin'.  Don't start a fight, but be willing to put a stop to those who want to mess with you.  Having said that, my lone significant bullying issue was from a kid who had failed 2 grades.  I had finally had enough of his crap and took it to him.  The bullying stopped, for awhile, but the next year he went at me again and we fought again at his insistence.  He was bigger than me by a bunch.  He wrestled me to the ground and put a choke hold on me.  I didn't want to fight, and did what I had to do, but he was too much bigger and stronger.  I couldn't get out of the choke hold.  Literally thought he was going to choke me to death, I screamed (through muffled gurgles) at him that I couldn't breathe, but he didn't care.  Luckily a little old lady came out her back door threatening to call the cops.  He gave up, thank goodness.  Just goes to show that standing up to them don't always make them go away.  I was quiet, not a troublemaker, and somewhat athletic, yet he was a punk looking for a target.  I wasn't the only one.  It never caused me to think about suicide, but all kids ain't got the same support structure, nor chemical makeup. 

A coworker told me of some "mean girls"  who picked on his highschool daughter.  She was pretty, straight A, athletic, popular, and a Christian.  After being hounded incessantly, threatened, cajoled, and harassed, she decided to kick the snot of the main offender.  The girl's gang friends still made veiled threats via social network, intimating they were gonna kill her when they caught her out.  The dad turned it in to the cops.  It finally stopped.  Not every kid has the parental or peer support to make that happen.

 

[ALAYMAN]

I was especially sad at the funeral yesterday and consumed with the thought, that though God will use this for His glory somehow, it seems now to be a reproach. To the hundreds of the community that were present, it seems that the church and God's grace failed this kid. Which led me to this thought, we are not teaching our kids how to walk in God's grace. Sunday School is a bunch of stories and admonitions to 'obey your parents' but we leave out 'in the Lord'. Young people need to be taught how to be strong in the Lord, how to humbly receive his grace and they need learn that it is sufficient for their needs.

Are you talking about the same funeral of Jonathan that I am referring to, or a different funeral?  Do I know you?

 

[Biker]

I was a Bully, or had that reputation to some degree. It still doesn't bother me to fight someone. I was in Juvenile Hall for assualt for a few weeks once. Then in jail 2-3 times as an adult, always for fighting. My father was in and out of jail at different times for whatever...usually violence. He looked mean but he was also very handsome. Absolutely gorgeous that even though you knew he was your father, you couldn't help but admire his looks. Beautiful long hair flowing down his back, he wore muscle shirts since it helped accentuate his chest. My mom was also really pretty, blond hair, green eyes,  fit and very outgoing. Men hang around her from time to time, then Dad would approach them and often they;d just walk off. Like they knew.
Dad eventually went to jail for manslaughter for 1 year + probation. Some children were not allowed to play at our house, that hurt my feeligns a little. No matter how nice I was at people's houses, I felt they were looking at me to see if the old addage "the apple don't fall far from the tree" was true in this case. I never acted up at anyone's house, always appreciated being a guest there. Much of it depends upon whether you were raised in a true christian church, and how your parents viewed violence.

 

[Biker]

I think the deterioration of the home and absence of prominent male role models have something to do with it as well. It would be especially tough on a young boy to be bullied at school and then to not receive the acceptance and approval of a Dad/male figure at home. A young man can take a lot if he knows dad is in his corner.

I agree. Good thoughts