Bullying.

Bullying was rampant at my "Christian" school throughout the jr. high and HS years. Much of it was instigated by the ignorant jackass of an assistant principal. He oozed arrogance and aged on his favorites toughen p the "sissies" via physical abuse.  He and the pastor/principal didn't like my father so they tried to take it out on me. I kept my nose clean, made good grades  and tried to stay under the radar.Through much of that time I was a second degree black belt in Wado Ryu Karate. My junior year one of the "golden boys," with a little encouragement from the AP, decided my time had come for humility. I tried to avoid the trouble but he kept on and on. Now, I had made it a point not to let anybody know about the fact that I had been training a minimum of three evenings a week for the past eight years. Dad had figured that school/church would probably have a problem with it. Well, golden boy decided to knock my books out of my hand and shove me. As he reached out to shove me I gabbed him and hip threw him across the room. I had no more trouble out of the chosen ones. I had no more trouble until graduation practice the following year. The AP attempted to give me a beating for something that I was not even involved in. I was a trained fighter. He was an idiot. When he grabbed me I put him in a wrist lock and forced him to his knees.  made him scream like a little girl in front all of the boys in the senior class. I've told that story before so I won't repeat it now.

ChuckBob
 
So, apparently we have allot of tough guys on the forum who are good fighters.  Not everyone has such a personality to physical ability.  Weapons for equalizers are nice to dream about, but kids don't have them or are outnumbered even with them.  Arming your kids to be able to defend themselves is a nice idea, but weapons are not allowed in the places where bullying takes place.  Bullying is a sin with its basic root in pride.  I will go so far as to say it is a crime against humanity.  Don't tell me "Kids will be kids." or "Let them establish a pecking order."  You are promoting sin.  Most public schools now have very strict policies against bullying while the Christian schools allow such behavior to continue.  Social media has intensified bullying and made it very personal.

We can discuss the causes of bullying and why it has such an effect on people, but I don't think that is the point of the thread.  IF you are being bullied, please have the courage to tell your parents plus another counselor.  If administration is not compliant in  caring for the bullying, police reports can be filed.  Bullying is a crime and authorities can investigate.  If a youth approaches you about being bullied, please take it seriously.  Show compassion, interest and investigate.  Help them come up with a real plan that will help them through the bully periods.

Yes, I know bullies and people who have been bullied.  Yes, I personally know people who ran away from home to escape bullies, people who have contemplated suicide because of bullies and some who have committed suicide because of bullies.  Other have made horrible life decisions that have ruined their life because of bullying.
 
When I learned that I had a special ability to deter bullies, I took it upon myself to defend the weak around me.

I have never been successful in encouraging those weak to defend themselves.
 
The two events that triggered the final incident were the fact that I and everyone else were to receive a beating for something that was beyond the control of all of us and the fact that my best friend was so upset that he was in the middle of a life threatening asthma attack. The powers that be were refusing to summon help for him. That young man was rather frail and a poor athlete so he was often the target of the AP's scorn. I'm proud to say that he was my law partner for just over 10 years. We're still close and see ach other at least once a week.

ChuckBob
 
I was always the only Deaf kid in the school. Naturally, people picked on me and being from a Deaf family, i never understood what made me a target. I wont lie.. i beat up a lot of bullies and never let one of them pick on me without making sure they only tried once.

There was,however, one band student named Michael. Good guy. had braces... glasses,,,, another bigger student picked on him endlessly. i think with about two weeks left in school, i walked in class and the bully was picking on mike.. i told him..you better be careful, if he loses it, you are going to be sorry. he laughed along with all his friends.

he slapped mike in the mouth, and mike started bleeding..he got up and went to sharpen his pencil... when he came back to sit down, i saw him drop his pencil and make a beeline straight for the bully,, his first punch was an uppercut, and after that it was really a mess.. the bully had two badly swollen eyes come the next day.

its how we were raised. I had one girl picking on me all the time, physically, and my father (very Italian cultured) told me, tell the teacher, if she dont do anything about it..you can. Thats what happened. I remember them laying her on the ground trying to get her nose to stop bleeding, cold compress. etc. They said..we gonna call your father.. i said two things..my father cant hear on the phone..but when you get the message relayed to him he is going to tell you that HE told me I could smack the girl..she been stealing my pencils, colors, pulling my hair, slapping me.. NO MORE.

its how we were raised.
 
I was bullied as a child expecially in Jr. High School and it carried to 9th grade.  I was in a class known as FFA (Future Farmers of America) and once after class I went to the lunch room.  When I began to eat lunch I noticed that one of those knotheads had put a large chunk of glass in my sandwich.  It ended soon thereafter while in shop class when I grabbed the biggest bully there in a headlock and put his head on the table saw and turned it on and threatened to cut his head off. I still have vivid thoughts of these things when it is mentioned. 
 
aleshanee said:
in the environment of todays schools ..and in some cities even on the streets...... a person who defends oneself against a bully and leaves them bruised and battered.. will likely be arrested and charge with assault ....... even more so if they are defending some one else against a bully and the bully or his parents decide to file charges....... i have seen it happen more than once.......

bullies have a dual nature to them.... not only do they feel a need to abuse those weaker than them.... but they also suck up and kiss the backsides of those stronger and above them..... especially those in authority.... this causes people in authority to cater to them ...and not only look the other way when they carry out their abuse on other people... but also to defend them and punish those that were being abused if they happen to decide they have had enough and take action against their abuser........

the uproar you hear today from people calling for an end to bullying is not coming from school administrators or even from law enforcement... it;s coming from parents who are tired of seeing their children battered and don;t want to see them spiritually and emotionally destroyed... or watch them become in the future the very thing that is tormenting them today........

w.h. auden put it very well when he wrote....

“i and the public know
what all schoolchildren learn,
those to whom evil is done
do evil in return.”

but they also do something far worse sometimes... that w.h. auden didn;t mention.... they sometimes carry that evil forward.... and that is the worst effect of unchecked bullying there is.... the creation of a self replicating pattern of violence and abuse that goes on through one generation after another.... the bullied and battered kids become the next generation of bullies and batterers.........  . what is wrong with teaching children to treat each other with respect and to have compassion for the weakest among them?..... and why it is wrong to expect swift correction of those who ignore that teaching and abuse others?.....
Click to expand...

^^This
 
Over analysis is common in dealing with "bullying".

I'm not going to allow any child to be bullied. If it takes being physical. So be it. Now, it would be my last resort, but I will do what it takes to stop it. If my child was being bullied, I would expect them to stand up for themselves. Either verbally or, if necessary, physically.

Most of the time, its not worth your time and effort to answer a bully. However, it that bully persists.... I'm not above defending myself or my own.... regardless if I lose the fight or not.

 
Binaca Chugger said:
Binaca Chugger said:
Watch this and get back to me.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1682181/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2
Click to expand...

Any of you have the courage to watch this documentary about families who are torn apart because of bullying?
Click to expand...

Thanks for the tip, I intend to watch it. 

I did find the following comment from a user review interesting...

A few things I saw that were consistent in the bullied boys were that all their fathers were nice, quiet and perhaps weak men who did not take any action themselves toward ending the bullying, but left it up to the mothers. The kids' mothers were shown to be much stronger than their fathers were in their attempts to protect their children. Pro-action by both parents must be undertaken immediately upon being informed of any bullying for best chances of ending the problem.
Click to expand...

And what do you think of this person's opinion regarding the movie's lack of helpfulness to suggest solutions?....

Overall, the film was a pretty good slice of life of this serious problem but a pretty bad suggester of possible solutions to it
Click to expand...
 
Exell said:
... it seems that the church and God's grace failed this kid.
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Just curious if you could expand these thoughts a little?
 
christundivided said:
Over analysis is common in dealing with "bullying".

I'm not going to allow any child to be bullied. If it takes being physical. So be it. Now, it would be my last resort, but I will do what it takes to stop it. If my child was being bullied, I would expect them to stand up for themselves. Either verbally or, if necessary, physically.

Most of the time, its not worth your time and effort to answer a bully. However, it that bully persists.... I'm not above defending myself or my own.... regardless if I lose the fight or not.
Click to expand...

What if there is no parental support like you suggest? 

What if standing up to the bully and fighting him/her doesn't stop the behavior? 

What if the school doesn't intervene but just pushes it under the rug?
 
ALAYMAN said:
Binaca Chugger said:
Binaca Chugger said:
Watch this and get back to me.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1682181/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2
Click to expand...

Any of you have the courage to watch this documentary about families who are torn apart because of bullying?
Click to expand...

Thanks for the tip, I intend to watch it. 

I did find the following comment from a user review interesting...

A few things I saw that were consistent in the bullied boys were that all their fathers were nice, quiet and perhaps weak men who did not take any action themselves toward ending the bullying, but left it up to the mothers. The kids' mothers were shown to be much stronger than their fathers were in their attempts to protect their children. Pro-action by both parents must be undertaken immediately upon being informed of any bullying for best chances of ending the problem.
Click to expand...

And what do you think of this person's opinion regarding the movie's lack of helpfulness to suggest solutions?....

Overall, the film was a pretty good slice of life of this serious problem but a pretty bad suggester of possible solutions to it
Click to expand...
Click to expand...

The movie was done by a group started by parents whose children committed suicide due to bullying.  It shows what kids really go through and the overall lack of understanding by adults.  It does have cuss words, as bullys do swear.  First, people need to understand what is happening.  Second, there needs to be an education - bullying is NOT ok.  The movie does give the best solution available now - tel lthe authorities and tell them frequently.  At the end, some parents and kids go to the authorities and their is a lesson to learn.  Oh, and they do show the concept of bringing a weapon on the bus can end in many years in prison.
 
Binaca Chugger said:
... At the end, some parents and kids go to the authorities and their is a lesson to learn.  Oh, and they do show the concept of bringing a weapon on the bus can end in many years in prison.
Click to expand...


I don't have a problem with "equalizers".  I teach ALAYboy to avoid those who attempt to antagonize and bully, but if the punk(s) won't just let him walk then he is to make his best effort at talking his way out of the confrontation.  If that won't work and they are bound to have a physical altercation then use whatever is at his disposal to neutralize the aggressor.

There was a kid when I played Pee-Wee football (elementary school age) that was teased/bullied pretty bad.  He was stinky, ran his mouth, chubby, and a host of other things that often <wrongly> invite such bullying.  I never bullied anybody, except maybe one of my friends, and that's okay, right? :D  Fast-forward 15 years.  I was in the Student Union (rec room) at college playing pool when this kid, now full grown strolls in.  He's 6'4" and obviously been workin' out a good bit.  We get to playin' some pool.  One thing leads to another and I begin to see some similar signs (his lack of social skills, smart-alecky, etc) of why he was picked on.  At one point he made a good shot and blurted out that back-in-the-day famous taunt "yo mama"!  He did it again shortly thereafter.  I hated that phrase then, and now.  I think it is terribly disrespectful.  After the second time he said it I told him respectfully that I didn't like that phrase and would appreciate if he wouldn't say it.  He shot back "waddaya gonna do, kick my a**"?  I stared at him, not wanting to fight (I'm a lover not a fighter :D), and said essentially "you see this pool stick in my hand?  I'll wrap it around your head, because you're a lot bigger than me and I don't want to fight, I just want to play some pool without my mother being brought into the conversation".  Luckily, he backed down.  Glad he didn't realize he had a pool cue too. :D  We finished the game, but that was our last game.  I never saw him on campus after that, and was glad.  That story isn't to say that people deserve to be bullied, but rather that I teach my son to avoid the confrontation at all costs, but to stand up for himself if he must.  And of course as a reminder, many of the kids bullied don't have somebody in their corner, as the poster exell said earlier in the thread.  Unfortunately, sometimes there's no father, or a reluctant effeminate one, and the people in the schools react slowly or not at all.
 
Most posters here are suggesting that if someone is making fun of you, you should simply threaten him or fight back.  This may work well for many people to get rid of the average bully.  However, a bully will bully someone who does not have the ability to fight back.  These are the ones who are really hurting, those who do not have the ability to fight back.  When they do, they go over the top with their "neutralizers" and bring a gun to school, which is illegal.  These who cannot bring themselves to such destructive actions seek to end the suffering by getting away from it - they run away or worse, end their life.

Do you see the problem?  A bully constantly threatens, belittles, mocks and ridicules with words and constantly repeated small physical actions of threat.  When the bullied finally retaliates, he uses actual physical force, often with a weapon.  Authorities can do little to nothing about the actions of the bully - they will even tell the bullied to grow up and get along.  Authorities will put arrest the bullied for his forceful retaliation.  While many here are suggesting retaliation from the bullied, please bear in mind that this retaliation is the cause of most of the school shootings in America.  I hesitate to suggest such action.  I would encourage the bullied to follow the pattern of the widow who went to the unjust judge begging to be avenged of her adversary.  Go to authorities and go often.  You will have to report the situation EVERY time in order for the adult supervision to realize just how awful the problem is. 

Bullying is a sin of pride: seeking to vaunt ones self by the humiliation of another.  Our society must be taught that this is not okay.  Parents, churches and schools need to work together in this effort.  This is one sin that even the left wing media will stand against.  I believe we as Christians who have the truth in love need to work together with other people to help our society recognize that this sin is not okay.  There is a better way to treat your neighbor.  There is a real peace that is offered to all.  There are people who will love and stand up for the bullied and these people should be found in the local church.
 
On the topic of bullying, Hunter Hayes (a country music artist) co-wrote this song while looking back on his life as he was bullied as a kid. He claimed in an interview that the only time he felt noticed was when he was being picked on. The rest of the time, he felt invisible.

Hunter Hayes - "Invisible" [Official Music Video]


 
Smellin Coffee said:
On the topic of bullying, Hunter Hayes (a country music artist) co-wrote this song while looking back on his life as he was bullied as a kid. He claimed in an interview that the only time he felt noticed was when he was being picked on. The rest of the time, he felt invisible.

Hunter Hayes - "Invisible" [Official Music Video]
Click to expand...

Nice of the kid to try to encourage other kids. 

His encouragement is that one day you will totally forget about the pain you are in now.  But, he, as a very rich, popular kid, still remembers the hurt enough to write a song about it.  So, we learn that even if you achieve success beyond anyone's imagination, the hurt from bullying persists.  Again, I think that the church needs to proclaim the love, security and peace of God to our society.
 
Binaca Chugger said:
Most posters here are suggesting that if someone is making fun of you, you should simply threaten him or fight back.  This may work well for many people to get rid of the average bully.  However, a bully will bully someone who does not have the ability to fight back.  These are the ones who are really hurting, those who do not have the ability to fight back.  When they do, they go over the top with their "neutralizers" and bring a gun to school, which is illegal.  These who cannot bring themselves to such destructive actions seek to end the suffering by getting away from it - they run away or worse, end their life.

Do you see the problem?  A bully constantly threatens, belittles, mocks and ridicules with words and constantly repeated small physical actions of threat.  When the bullied finally retaliates, he uses actual physical force, often with a weapon.  Authorities can do little to nothing about the actions of the bully - they will even tell the bullied to grow up and get along.  Authorities will put arrest the bullied for his forceful retaliation.  While many here are suggesting retaliation from the bullied, please bear in mind that this retaliation is the cause of most of the school shootings in America.  I hesitate to suggest such action.  I would encourage the bullied to follow the pattern of the widow who went to the unjust judge begging to be avenged of her adversary.  Go to authorities and go often.  You will have to report the situation EVERY time in order for the adult supervision to realize just how awful the problem is. 

Bullying is a sin of pride: seeking to vaunt ones self by the humiliation of another.  Our society must be taught that this is not okay.  Parents, churches and schools need to work together in this effort.  This is one sin that even the left wing media will stand against.  I believe we as Christians who have the truth in love need to work together with other people to help our society recognize that this sin is not okay.  There is a better way to treat your neighbor.  There is a real peace that is offered to all.  There are people who will love and stand up for the bullied and these people should be found in the local church.
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I think you're misunderstanding our position. No one is looking for a fight. No one wants a fight. I have walked away from several situation in which I was threatened and even assaulted. Yet. I will not be cornered or beaten. I will be the first to call the law. The first to swear out a warrant. The first to back away. The first to ask for help. The first to tell someone else. However, I will stand up for myself when necessary. No one is advocating a bully respond by being a bully. There is such a thing as "self defense" without being the aggressor.
 
christundivided said:
I think you're misunderstanding our position. No one is looking for a fight. No one wants a fight. I have walked away from several situation in which I was threatened and even assaulted. Yet. I will not be cornered or beaten. I will be the first to call the law. The first to swear out a warrant. The first to back away. The first to ask for help. The first to tell someone else. However, I will stand up for myself when necessary. No one is advocating a bully respond by being a bully. There is such a thing as "self defense" without being the aggressor.
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Yes, I think that I completely agree with what you wrote. 

I just think that the school system and other social institutions need to be much more diligent to take up the cause of those who have not had the kind of parental/fatherly support that they need in order to be overcomers. 

Binaca Chugger said:
There is a real peace that is offered to all.  There are people who will love and stand up for the bullied and these people should be found in the local church.
Click to expand...

I agree that the church should be a place of inclusion and love, but in our case, we weren't really aware of the extent of the pain that was going on the heart and mind of the boy.
 
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