Everything we thought we knew about marriage?

[Tarheel Baptist]

"Imagine the difference for pastors to know that they can stand on stage and tell their congregations with confidence that going to church matters for your marriage".
What do you think?

http://www.churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-articles/174655-shaunti-feldhahn-everything-we-think-we-know-about-marriage-and-divorce-is-wrong.html?p=1

 

[christundivided]

"Imagine the difference for pastors to know that they can stand on stage and tell their congregations with confidence that going to church matters for your marriage".
What do you think?

http://www.churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-articles/174655-shaunti-feldhahn-everything-we-think-we-know-about-marriage-and-divorce-is-wrong.html?p=1

While I think the article is generally correct.... I have to adamantly disagree with its number one problem for marriage. The # problem for any marriage is sin.

 

[Smellin Coffee]

"Imagine the difference for pastors to know that they can stand on stage and tell their congregations with confidence that going to church matters for your marriage".
What do you think?

http://www.churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-articles/174655-shaunti-feldhahn-everything-we-think-we-know-about-marriage-and-divorce-is-wrong.html?p=1

I don't know if that statement can be made as a fact but rather as a possible assumption. Going to church together I would think is symbolic of marital unity that exists in the first place as opposed to marital unity being developed simply by attending church together. To me it is kinda like saying NASCAR races make rednecks. I don't think there is any way to know one way or another. I do agree with the article, however, that the divorce rate statistics have been over-inflated somewhat over the decades.

Though I'm not making an argument against the premise made by the author, I do find it an interesting tidbit to ponder.

 

[Anchor]

Not that I don't believe he sincerely believes his take on the stats, but this smells of a ploy to sell books.    Pardon my cynicism.

 

[Fresh Air]

I've often thought that stat (50% of Christian marriages end in divorce, the same as the entire population) was bogus. I've been in church for 40 years. In that time I've known hundreds and hundreds of couples. I would make an educated guess that no more than 10% of what I call church marriages (not the ceremony, but where both couples attend at least occasionally) end in divorce. What this guy is asserting to be a startling, world-changing newly discovered fact is rather apparent to anybody who has taken the time to just look around at his church and count.

Of course going to church is better for your marriage. That's just like 'duh'...

 

[BALAAM]

I've often thought that stat (50% of Christian marriages end in divorce, the same as the entire population) was bogus. I've been in church for 40 years. In that time I've known hundreds and hundreds of couples. I would make an educated guess that no more than 10% of what I call church marriages (not the ceremony, but where both couples attend at least occasionally) end in divorce. What this guy is asserting to be a startling, world-changing newly discovered fact is rather apparent to anybody who has taken the time to just look around at his church and count.

Of course going to church is better for your marriage. That's just like 'duh'...

Just heard someone from Moody radio say that they didn't know where the 50% figure came from either. This person claimed that the US Census Bureau says that around 65% of married couples are still married to their first spouse.

 

[prophet]

I've often thought that stat (50% of Christian marriages end in divorce, the same as the entire population) was bogus. I've been in church for 40 years. In that time I've known hundreds and hundreds of couples. I would make an educated guess that no more than 10% of what I call church marriages (not the ceremony, but where both couples attend at least occasionally) end in divorce. What this guy is asserting to be a startling, world-changing newly discovered fact is rather apparent to anybody who has taken the time to just look around at his church and count.

Of course going to church is better for your marriage. That's just like 'duh'...

Just heard someone from Moody radio say that they didn't know where the 50% figure came from either. This person claimed that the US Census Bureau says that around 65% of married couples are still married to their first spouse.

I am.

Anishinaabe

 

[Ransom]

Just heard someone from Moody radio say that they didn't know where the 50% figure came from either.

It comes from abuse of statistics: someone compared the number of marriages vs. the number of divorces in a year, and found they occurred at a ratio of about 2:1. That's not the same thing at all.

The actual number of marriages that end in divorce is hard to nail down: it ranges from somewhere between 1 in 10, and 1 in 3, depending on whom you ask.

What does appear to be true, unfortunately, is that divorce amongst conservative, evangelical couples is on the rise. As Tom pointed out, we don't divorce at the same rate as the world (that's another statistical myth). But my observation is that I know far more divorced and separated persons in the church now, and amongst those close to me, than I knew divorced persons at all maybe 20 years ago. That's an observation, not science, but I think a proper survey might tend to bear out the hypothesis that even in evangelical circles, we take marriage commitments less seriously than we used to.

 

[Agent P]

I've often thought that stat (50% of Christian marriages end in divorce, the same as the entire population) was bogus. I've been in church for 40 years. In that time I've known hundreds and hundreds of couples. I would make an educated guess that no more than 10% of what I call church marriages (not the ceremony, but where both couples attend at least occasionally) end in divorce. What this guy is asserting to be a startling, world-changing newly discovered fact is rather apparent to anybody who has taken the time to just look around at his church and count.

Of course going to church is better for your marriage. That's just like 'duh'...

I took a college course on "Marriage and the Family" back at university.  It seems the 50% figure was originally
derived during the 70s based on the number of weddings in a given year vs the number of divorces.

Just heard someone from Moody radio say that they didn't know where the 50% figure came from either. This person claimed that the US Census Bureau says that around 65% of married couples are still married to their first spouse.

 

[Liberty1]

"Imagine the difference for pastors to know that they can stand on stage and tell their congregations with confidence that going to church matters for your marriage".
What do you think?

http://www.churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-articles/174655-shaunti-feldhahn-everything-we-think-we-know-about-marriage-and-divorce-is-wrong.html?p=1

In Forsyth County, in NC, according to the local paper, only 46% of the homes in the county are made up of a man and woman who are married. All of the others are single parent homes, live in situations, etc.

 

[subllibrm]

Maybe preachers ought to quit worrying about statistics and just pastor the folks God put in their care.

I agree wholeheartedly that the continual harping about us being "just like the world" is counterproductive. It is the equivalent of saying that it's a "lost cause". It also conditions us to write off failed marriages as a "normal" part of the battle and that we should just expect to have casualties in war. NO! Teach your people to fight for it. Challenge them! Pray for them! Never, ever give up!

Yeah, I know where of I speak. We prayer fought our son-in-law back from the brink. I refused to buy into the lie that my daughter and grandchildren should just accept their place on the statistical chart. For months while he wallowed in the pig sty of sin, I prayed (along with a close group of guy friends) that God would bring him to the end of himself. That he would look down and see the rot and filth he was standing in. that he would find no pleasure, peace or rest in the choice he was living out. I prayed that God would make him miserable. One day he called my daughter and asked if he could make an appointment to call her the next day. He didn't have time right then and he needed to be able to say everything that needed to be said. The next day when she answered the phone and the initial greeting were out of the way, he said "I want to come home, I am miserable". Glory, glory glory to God for answered prayer!!

And as we prepared for his return (he was living out of state) I found myself praying that I would respond to his return as the prodigal's father did rather than in the manner of his brother. 2 years next month! Active in our church! Learning how to grow old together! Faulty, flawed trophies of God's grace that He continues to polish!

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

"Imagine the difference for pastors to know that they can stand on stage and tell their congregations with confidence that going to church matters for your marriage".
What do you think?

http://www.churchleaders.com/pastors/pastor-articles/174655-shaunti-feldhahn-everything-we-think-we-know-about-marriage-and-divorce-is-wrong.html?p=1

In Forsyth County, in NC, according to the local paper, only 46% of the homes in the county are made up of a man and woman who are married. All of the others are single parent homes, live in situations, etc.

Considering that, as well as the statistic stating 50% of auto accidents occur less than 5 miles from home, I think you should move! 

 

[subllibrm]

Considering that, as well as the statistic stating 50% of auto accidents occur less than 5 miles from home, I think you should move! 

<snicker>

 

[prophet]

Maybe preachers ought to quit worrying about statistics and just pastor the folks God put in their care.

I agree wholeheartedly that the continual harping about us being "just like the world" is counterproductive. It is the equivalent of saying that it's a "lost cause". It also conditions us to write off failed marriages as a "normal" part of the battle and that we should just expect to have casualties in war. NO! Teach your people to fight for it. Challenge them! Pray for them! Never, ever give up!

Yeah, I know where of I speak. We prayer fought our son-in-law back from the brink. I refused to buy into the lie that my daughter and grandchildren should just accept their place on the statistical chart. For months while he wallowed in the pig sty of sin, I prayed (along with a close group of guy friends) that God would bring him to the end of himself. That he would look down and see the rot and filth he was standing in. that he would find no pleasure, peace or rest in the choice he was living out. I prayed that God would make him miserable. One day he called my daughter and asked if he could make an appointment to call her the next day. He didn't have time right then and he needed to be able to say everything that needed to be said. The next day when she answered the phone and the initial greeting were out of the way, he said "I want to come home, I am miserable". Glory, glory glory to God for answered prayer!!

And as we prepared for his return (he was living out of state) I found myself praying that I would respond to his return as the prodigal's father did rather than in the manner of his brother. 2 years next month! Active in our church! Learning how to grow old together! Faulty, flawed trophies of God's grace that He continues to polish!

I agree, these stats seem to accuse Hope of being a stingy liar.
Seems we're warned not to compare, and numbers are nothing but comparison.

Anishinabe

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

Maybe preachers ought to quit worrying about statistics and just pastor the folks God put in their care.

I agree wholeheartedly that the continual harping about us being "just like the world" is counterproductive. It is the equivalent of saying that it's a "lost cause". It also conditions us to write off failed marriages as a "normal" part of the battle and that we should just expect to have casualties in war. NO! Teach your people to fight for it. Challenge them! Pray for them! Never, ever give up!

Yeah, I know where of I speak. We prayer fought our son-in-law back from the brink. I refused to buy into the lie that my daughter and grandchildren should just accept their place on the statistical chart. For months while he wallowed in the pig sty of sin, I prayed (along with a close group of guy friends) that God would bring him to the end of himself. That he would look down and see the rot and filth he was standing in. that he would find no pleasure, peace or rest in the choice he was living out. I prayed that God would make him miserable. One day he called my daughter and asked if he could make an appointment to call her the next day. He didn't have time right then and he needed to be able to say everything that needed to be said. The next day when she answered the phone and the initial greeting were out of the way, he said "I want to come home, I am miserable". Glory, glory glory to God for answered prayer!!

And as we prepared for his return (he was living out of state) I found myself praying that I would respond to his return as the prodigal's father did rather than in the manner of his brother. 2 years next month! Active in our church! Learning how to grow old together! Faulty, flawed trophies of God's grace that He continues to polish!

I agree, these stats seem to accuse Hope of being a stingy liar.
Seems we're warned not to compare, and numbers are nothing but comparison.

Anishinabe

Statistics show that over 95.4768% of people use numbers...the rest are too dumb to count! 

 

[Green Beret]

Statistics show that over 95.4768% of people use numbers...the rest are too dumb to count! 

Yeah, and over 87.3% of all quoted statics are made up on the spot. 

That being said, I'd be very careful swinging the subjective pendulum too far in favor of disregarding the statistical trends when it comes to the observable corrosion of marriage among believers. Yes, statistical analysis is a tiresome and pesky art/science but my personal experience in the ministry over the decades seems to confirm what Barna and the others are saying. Divorces and marital problems are on the rise at an alarming rate, even among believers.

 

[ChuckBob]

Spitfire and I just up and decided that divorce wasn't an option for us. Murder is still on the table but divorce is out.

ChuckBob

 

[JrChurch]

Spitfire and I just up and decided that divorce wasn't an option for us. Murder is still on the table but divorce is out.

ChuckBob

Really.  And I figure after all these years, it would be too much trouble to break in a new man.

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

Maybe preachers ought to quit worrying about statistics and just pastor the folks God put in their care.

I agree wholeheartedly that the continual harping about us being "just like the world" is counterproductive. It is the equivalent of saying that it's a "lost cause". It also conditions us to write off failed marriages as a "normal" part of the battle and that we should just expect to have casualties in war. NO! Teach your people to fight for it. Challenge them! Pray for them! Never, ever give up!

Yeah, I know where of I speak. We prayer fought our son-in-law back from the brink. I refused to buy into the lie that my daughter and grandchildren should just accept their place on the statistical chart. For months while he wallowed in the pig sty of sin, I prayed (along with a close group of guy friends) that God would bring him to the end of himself. That he would look down and see the rot and filth he was standing in. that he would find no pleasure, peace or rest in the choice he was living out. I prayed that God would make him miserable. One day he called my daughter and asked if he could make an appointment to call her the next day. He didn't have time right then and he needed to be able to say everything that needed to be said. The next day when she answered the phone and the initial greeting were out of the way, he said "I want to come home, I am miserable". Glory, glory glory to God for answered prayer!!

And as we prepared for his return (he was living out of state) I found myself praying that I would respond to his return as the prodigal's father did rather than in the manner of his brother. 2 years next month! Active in our church! Learning how to grow old together! Faulty, flawed trophies of God's grace that He continues to polish!

I disagree and wholeheartedly agree with you!

I totally agree that the power of prayer is, for the most part, a valuable, powerful weapon in the Christian's arsenal that is overlooked and under used. I'm thankful for the results you and your family experienced.

I disagree that  pointing out that today's church is often just like the world is counterproductive.
I hear that sentiment used often here, usually when talking about homosexuality....pointing out the rampant hetero immorality in the church.

If the church is going to impact the world for Christ's Kingdom, we have to start with prayer....for the power to be different from the culture. That is a concept often repeated in Scripture and seldom practiced by the church as a whole.

 

[subllibrm]

Maybe preachers ought to quit worrying about statistics and just pastor the folks God put in their care.

I agree wholeheartedly that the continual harping about us being "just like the world" is counterproductive. It is the equivalent of saying that it's a "lost cause". It also conditions us to write off failed marriages as a "normal" part of the battle and that we should just expect to have casualties in war. NO! Teach your people to fight for it. Challenge them! Pray for them! Never, ever give up!

Yeah, I know where of I speak. We prayer fought our son-in-law back from the brink. I refused to buy into the lie that my daughter and grandchildren should just accept their place on the statistical chart. For months while he wallowed in the pig sty of sin, I prayed (along with a close group of guy friends) that God would bring him to the end of himself. That he would look down and see the rot and filth he was standing in. that he would find no pleasure, peace or rest in the choice he was living out. I prayed that God would make him miserable. One day he called my daughter and asked if he could make an appointment to call her the next day. He didn't have time right then and he needed to be able to say everything that needed to be said. The next day when she answered the phone and the initial greeting were out of the way, he said "I want to come home, I am miserable". Glory, glory glory to God for answered prayer!!

And as we prepared for his return (he was living out of state) I found myself praying that I would respond to his return as the prodigal's father did rather than in the manner of his brother. 2 years next month! Active in our church! Learning how to grow old together! Faulty, flawed trophies of God's grace that He continues to polish!

I disagree and wholeheartedly agree with you!

I totally agree that the power of prayer is, for the most part, a valuable, powerful weapon in the Christian's arsenal that is overlooked and under used. I'm thankful for the results you and your family experienced.

I disagree that  pointing out that today's church is often just like the world is counterproductive.
I hear that sentiment used often here, usually when talking about homosexuality....pointing out the rampant hetero immorality in the church.

If the church is going to impact the world for Christ's Kingdom, we have to start with prayer....for the power to be different from the culture. That is a concept often repeated in Scripture and seldom practiced by the church as a whole.

I am sure that my point is not clear, but if you refer back to what I bolded.

This is what I have heard from my friends and acquaintances. And they use the very fact that the idea was heard from the pulpit to explain that there was no hope. The preacher can only control what he presents. He cannot control how the listener (mis)applies it.

Speak against it from the point of view of scripture, not from a concern that we may be (or already are) statistically the same as the world. I don't see any value in the world used as a measuring rod when we have Christ as the ultimate reference point. Point me towards Him and His holiness. Compel me to compare myself to Him not them. Preach the power of the cross and resurrection in daily life. Encourage me that I can overcome because I am promised to be an overcomer.