Midlife Crisis

  • Thread starter Thread starter Dr. Huk-N-Duck
  • Start date Start date
Nice balanced post. But, here’s another slight (judgmental 😁)counter perspective to that. I have seen numerous examples of people who were working class to lower middle class folks that toiled for their family and scratched out a decent retirement nest egg wait until their children were all out of the house and do home expansion projects, like adding on rooms and other more extravagant additions. Why wouldn’t you do those things while the children were at home so that you could share in the experience with them? It’s a real head scratcher to me.
 
Its simple for many of us we just could not afford it. When your kids are home you have Hockey fees & piano lessons. You have 5 or more mouths to feed, you have school and church clothes to buy. You have teen car insurance to pay for and college funds to contribute to. When your children are home you just don't have the free cash flow to do the things you always wanted to do and to go to places you have always wanted to see. My household discretionary income tripled when my children married and moved out. my change in lifestyle was not psychological it was financial. This may not be the case with every home, but it was with mine. I have not done anything I did not want to do for many years.

Think of how many men you know who went through a "midlife crisis" before their kids were grown? A married couples options change a lot when they become an empty nester.
 
ALAYMAN said:
Nice balanced post. But, here’s another slight (judgmental 😁)counter perspective to that. I have seen numerous examples of people who were working class to lower middle class folks that toiled for their family and scratched out a decent retirement nest egg wait until their children were all out of the house and do home expansion projects, like adding on rooms and other more extravagant additions. Why wouldn’t you do those things while the children were at home so that you could share in the experience with them? It’s a real head scratcher to me.
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I was thinking the same thing and asking the same questions....there are some things that indeed have to be put off until the kids are gone, but, there are many others that should be done while they are there and can witness their parents experiencing some of the good things in life. So, his explanation doesn't seem to "fly" with me!
 
sword said:
Its simple for many of us we just could not afford it. When your kids are home you have Hockey fees & piano lessons. You have 5 or more mouths to feed, you have school and church clothes to buy. You have teen car insurance to pay for and college funds to contribute to. When your children are home you just don't have the free cash flow to do the things you always wanted to do and to go to places you have always wanted to see. My household discretionary income tripled when my children married and moved out. my change in lifestyle was not psychological it was financial. This may not be the case with every home, but it was with mine. I have not done anything I did not want to do for many years.

Think of how many men you know who went through a "midlife crisis" before their kids were grown? A married couples options change a lot when they become an empty nester.
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That may be true, TO AN EXTENT. Sounds more like excuses to me. You wouldn't let your children get away with excuses like that, now, would you? ;)
 
sword said:
Its simple for many of us we just could not afford it. When your kids are home you have Hockey fees & piano lessons. You have 5 or more mouths to feed, you have school and church clothes to buy. You have teen car insurance to pay for and college funds to contribute to. When your children are home you just don't have the free cash flow to do the things you always wanted to do and to go to places you have always wanted to see. My household discretionary income tripled when my children married and moved out. my change in lifestyle was not psychological it was financial. This may not be the case with every home, but it was with mine. I have not done anything I did not want to do for many years.

Think of how many men you know who went through a "midlife crisis" before their kids were grown? A married couples options change a lot when they become an empty nester.
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My tongue was firmly planted in my cheek with the judgemental statement about people’s motives. It’s their money to do what they want with, so unless they’re doing something illegal, unethical, or immoral it’s really none of my business.

However, just from a purely speculative position, the things that revolve around my home are, generally speaking, the things that I would want for my family to enjoy and experience, and not just for me and my wife…..not that there would be anything wrong with wanting those additions just for personal reasons or to please the wife. It’s just not how I am built, and I’m not saying I’m better than anybody else for thinking that way. Simply put, I truly just don’t understand why someone would want more stuff to take care of as they get older. I’ve known quite a few successful people, business owners, entrepreneurs, etc, who began downsizing as they got into their older years. Granted, I’m speaking of people when they get into their 70s and 80s in that regard, not somebody who might be able to retire in their late 50s and begin to actually still enjoy traveling, and other amusement. I say, good on you if you’re able to do those things, as I hope to do them as well. It’s just in that one isolated example of home expansion that baffles my thinking, but again, I’m not judging others who do, just don’t understand it.

All of that is pontification that is far afield from the OP though, and I would definitely not characterize somebody who wants to do a home expansion in the context of how you present it as “going through a midlife crisis”.
 
ALAYMAN said:
My tongue was firmly planted in my cheek with the judgemental statement about people’s motives. It’s their money to do what they want with, so unless they’re doing something illegal, unethical, or immoral it’s really none of my business.

However, just from a purely speculative position, the things that revolve around my home are, generally speaking, the things that I would want for my family to enjoy an experience, and not just for me and my wife…..not that there would be anything wrong with wanting those additions just for personal reasons or to please the wife. It’s just not how I am built, and I’m not saying I’m better than anybody else for thinking that way. Simply put, I truly just don’t understand why someone would want more stuff to take care of as they get older. I’ve known quite a few successful people, business owners, entrepreneurs, etc, who began downsizing as they got into their older years. Granted, I’m speaking of people when they get into their 70s and 80s in that regard, not somebody who might be able to retire in their late 50s and begin to actually still enjoy traveling, and other amusement. I say, good on you if you’re able to do those things, as I hope to do them as well. It’s just in that one isolated example of home expansion that baffles my thinking, but again, I’m not judging others who do, just don’t understand it.

All of that is pontification that is far afield from the OP though, and I would definitely not characterize somebody who wants to do a home expansion in the context of how you present it as “going through a midlife crisis”.
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I *think* the difference might be that it sounds like he (or she…don’t remember) had several children to feed and clothe, in which case I can understand the lack of funds while kids are in the house, but a huge surplus when they’re gone. I only have one kid, so my mentality is exactly like yours, and I try to do a lot now for better enjoyment. But then again, my finances will change very little once she’s on her own, because it’s only one kid. Certainly I’ll have more available cash, but the difference will be somewhat negligible.
 
Huk said:
I *think* the difference might be that it sounds like he (or she…don’t remember) had several children to feed and clothe, in which case I can understand the lack of funds while kids are in the house, but a huge surplus when they’re gone. I only have one kid, so my mentality is exactly like yours, and I try to do a lot now for better enjoyment. But then again, my finances will change very little once she’s on her own, because it’s only one kid. Certainly I’ll have more available cash, but the difference will be somewhat negligible.
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I think you very well may be exactly right, nice catch.
 
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