Pastor Intimidation

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Many of us have undoubtedly heard/read about pastors who intimidate their congregants, however, I'd like to take a swing at this issue from a different perspective. What if the pastor is intimidated by YOU?

Had an interesting conversation with the pastor's wife last night after church. Well, it was more me being totally blown away by something to said to me. She told me her husband was intimidated by me in church. After my moment of stunned silence, I asked "Why?'

I was told because I went to seminary and he didn't even attend Bible college, he was uncomfortable with me in Wednesday night Bible Study. She informed me that he would never tell me, but she is more direct than he.

I was retracing the service over in my head during the drive home. I've been attending this church in my neighborhood on Wednesdays for a little while mainly because the demands of my secular job tire me and the church is close (a 2-minute drive). The Bible Study is more of round-robin discussion. To the best of my recollection, I spoke only when asked and kept my responses extremely short.

I rather enjoy the open discussion format. But now that I know that my presence makes the pastor uncomfortable, I guess I drive across town to the church I used to attend on Wednesdays.

BTW---I'm a interim bi-vocational pastor of a small church 40 miles (one way) from my home. It is impossible to me to attend Wednesday night services there, and they don't expect me to. Also, I never (to my knowledge) crow about my advanced seminary education. But I also don't run away from it---I spent years and thousands of dollars for a good education. Why should have feel bad about the sacrifices my family and I went through to achieve the goal of a good Bible/theolgical education.

Any takers?

 
If he is intimidated merely by the fact that you have training that he does not have, there is nothing you can do about it, and the fear is his own fault that he needs to deal with.  Maybe spend time with the Lord.

If, on the other hand, he is intimidated by something you've said, there are probably steps you could take.

I know that sometimes, men on influence (either $$$ or they have a "following" will try to intimidate the pastor).

"Intimidate" is a emotionally-charged word... is a pastor "intimidated" if a member in his church points out that he is doing something that may be considered shady and changes it?
 
I intimidate all pastors.
 
no value said:
Many of us have undoubtedly heard/read about pastors who intimidate their congregants, however, I'd like to take a swing at this issue from a different perspective. What if the pastor is intimidated by YOU?

Had an interesting conversation with the pastor's wife last night after church. Well, it was more me being totally blown away by something to said to me. She told me her husband was intimidated by me in church. After my moment of stunned silence, I asked "Why?'

I was told because I went to seminary and he didn't even attend Bible college, he was uncomfortable with me in Wednesday night Bible Study. She informed me that he would never tell me, but she is more direct than he.

I was retracing the service over in my head during the drive home. I've been attending this church in my neighborhood on Wednesdays for a little while mainly because the demands of my secular job tire me and the church is close (a 2-minute drive). The Bible Study is more of round-robin discussion. To the best of my recollection, I spoke only when asked and kept my responses extremely short.

I rather enjoy the open discussion format. But now that I know that my presence makes the pastor uncomfortable, I guess I drive across town to the church I used to attend on Wednesdays.

BTW---I'm a interim bi-vocational pastor of a small church 40 miles (one way) from my home. It is impossible to me to attend Wednesday night services there, and they don't expect me to. Also, I never (to my knowledge) crow about my advanced seminary education. But I also don't run away from it---I spent years and thousands of dollars for a good education. Why should have feel bad about the sacrifices my family and I went through to achieve the goal of a good Bible/theolgical education.

Any takers?
Click to expand...


If I'm not mistake, you went to HAC, correct?

If so, just tell him that.......I'm sure aaall academic intimidation will cease.
 
I have had similar experiences on both sides. 

When pastors have been intimidated by me, it is due to a different issue than yours, but it has happened a few times.  It has never ended well.  I have also had people I ministered to in a group who were well educated and whose theological understanding was beyond my own.  These situations seem to have worked out just fine.

I would suggest you have a cup of coffee with him and let him know how much you enjoy his service and the discussion.  Compliment him and how he runs the meeting.  Don't bring up your education, but you might bring up your current ministry.  Present yourself as a ministry partner and how refreshing these conversations are for you.  If you humble yourself, he will probably recognize that you are not a threat to him and enjoy your friendship.

Most people feel threatened, or, in some cases, useless when another who is better than them at something shows up.  Recognize that this "intimidation" might be a feeling of dismay that he does not have the education to best help his people. 
 
Binaca Chugger said:
I have had similar experiences on both sides. 

When pastors have been intimidated by me, it is due to a different issue than yours, but it has happened a few times.  It has never ended well.  I have also had people I ministered to in a group who were well educated and whose theological understanding was beyond my own.  These situations seem to have worked out just fine.

I would suggest you have a cup of coffee with him and let him know how much you enjoy his service and the discussion.  Compliment him and how he runs the meeting.  Don't bring up your education, but you might bring up your current ministry.  Present yourself as a ministry partner and how refreshing these conversations are for you.  If you humble yourself, he will probably recognize that you are not a threat to him and enjoy your friendship.

Most people feel threatened, or, in some cases, useless when another who is better than them at something shows up.  Recognize that this "intimidation" might be a feeling of dismay that he does not have the education to best help his people.
Click to expand...

Absolutely great advice!
 
Sometimes Pastors will preach about "unnamed" former members, as sermon examples of poor or unwise behavior. It may be as an example of what happens when you cross the Man of God, or fail to heed his advice or sometimes just when you chose to change churches. Very often he will give enough details that all the long time members know exactly who he is preaching about. This often hinders others from "counseling" with the pastor.

The pastor may say how great a family was doing until they changed churches then their marriage hit the rocks, kids went south and the man lost his job & then his house. Little does the pastor know all that was in the works before the family left do to a drinking, gambling or fidelity problem and that is why they left. Instead of recognizing the family needed help the church waits until they leave and blame the exit for all their problems that result. They write the obituary after the fact, instead of being a hospital the family needed before the crash.

Some of the oft sighted texts.
[size=10pt]
Numbers 16: 2 And they rose up before Moses, with certain of the children of Israel, two hundred and fifty princes of the assembly, famous in the congregation, men of renown: 3 And they gathered themselves together against Moses and against Aaron, and said unto them, Ye take too much upon you, seeing all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the Lord is among them: wherefore then lift ye up yourselves above the congregation of the Lord?

Hebrews 13:17 Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

2 Chronicles 36:15 And the Lord God of their fathers sent to them by his messengers, rising up betimes, and sending; because he had compassion on his people, and on his dwelling place: 16 But they mocked the messengers of God, and despised his words, and misused his prophets, until the wrath of the Lord arose against his people, till there was no remedy.

2 Kings 2:23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. 24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.[/size]



 
 
wtyson said:
Binaca Chugger said:
I have had similar experiences on both sides. 

When pastors have been intimidated by me, it is due to a different issue than yours, but it has happened a few times.  It has never ended well.  I have also had people I ministered to in a group who were well educated and whose theological understanding was beyond my own.  These situations seem to have worked out just fine.

I would suggest you have a cup of coffee with him and let him know how much you enjoy his service and the discussion.  Compliment him and how he runs the meeting.  Don't bring up your education, but you might bring up your current ministry.  Present yourself as a ministry partner and how refreshing these conversations are for you.  If you humble yourself, he will probably recognize that you are not a threat to him and enjoy your friendship.

Most people feel threatened, or, in some cases, useless when another who is better than them at something shows up.  Recognize that this "intimidation" might be a feeling of dismay that he does not have the education to best help his people.
Click to expand...

Absolutely great advice!
Click to expand...

Absolutely!
 
sword said:
Sometimes Pastors will preach about "unnamed" former members, as sermon examples of poor or unwise behavior. It may be as an example of what happens when you cross the Man of God, or fail to heed his advice or sometimes just when you chose to change churches. Very often he will give enough details that all the long time members know exactly who he is preaching about. This often hinders others from "counseling" with the pastor.
Click to expand...

Totally agree... this is so unprofessional. If I go for counseling to a pastor, I expect him to keep it to himself, even if we disagree and I leave the church later.  In the same way, things I know to his disadvantage, if not generally known, are kept mum.  It's just common courtesy.

I am soooooooooooooo tired of hearing pastors do this.

The pastor may say how great a family was doing until they changed churches then their marriage hit the rocks, kids went south and the man lost his job & then his house. Little does the pastor know all that was in the works before the family left do to a drinking, gambling or fidelity problem and that is why they left. Instead of recognizing the family needed help the church waits until they leave and blame the exit for all their problems that result. They write the obituary after the fact, instead of being a hospital the family needed before the crash.

Some of the oft sighted texts.
[size=10pt]
Numbers 16: 2 And they rose up before Moses, with certain of the children of Israel, two hundred and fifty princes of the assembly, famous in the congregation, men of renown: 3 And they gathered themselves together against Moses and against Aaron, and said unto them, Ye take too much upon you, seeing all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the Lord is among them: wherefore then lift ye up yourselves above the congregation of the Lord?

Hebrews 13:17 Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

2 Chronicles 36:15 And the Lord God of their fathers sent to them by his messengers, rising up betimes, and sending; because he had compassion on his people, and on his dwelling place: 16 But they mocked the messengers of God, and despised his words, and misused his prophets, until the wrath of the Lord arose against his people, till there was no remedy.

2 Kings 2:23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. 24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.[/size]
Click to expand...

Yes; I've heard all of those justifying that attitude.  People get old, and old age brings health problems. Sometimes, it is nothing but "time and chance" happening to people.  Associating it with disagreeing with the pastor is just plain wicked.
 
How about those Pastors who blame all of a family's problems on their neglecting to tithe.
Financial problems
Physical & Health problems
Mental problems
Family & Marital problems
Career problem
Contentment problems

I believe we have an obligation to support Gods work. I also believe God's loves a cheerful giver, but to blame someones problems on their inability to give and to ignore "givers" with the same problems is completely dishonest. Life is full of heartache and trying to pin all those heartaches on the "judgement of God" is misguided & manipulative.


 
sword said:
How about those Pastors who blame all of a family's problems on their neglecting to tithe.
Financial problems
Physical & Health problems
Mental problems
Family & Marital problems
Career problem
Contentment problems

I believe we have an obligation to support Gods work. I also believe God's loves a cheerful giver, but to blame someones problems on their inability to give and to ignore "givers" with the same problems is completely dishonest. Life is full of heartache and trying to pin all those heartaches on the "judgement of God" is misguided & manipulative.
Click to expand...

Worse is that we are not under the judgment of God. This kind of thinking and teaching distorts the grace and mercy of God. It builds a wall between the redeemed child and the Redeemer. When I fail I should find it easy to run back to my Father's arms.
 
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