- Jan 26, 2012
- Reaction score
Murphy, Thank you please read Billy Graham book on " Angels and heaven" that book really helped me. There is a chapter on justice and God will get justice on wrong doing. Many blessingsI don't have any answers or solutions about colleges or churches or religion anymore. I wanted to join the forum because I am lonely, been out of church for close to two years and feeling even more isolated with this Covid19 thing.
I thought I wanted to connect with former HACers, but I've already shared enough about myself that people I once loved in this circle or love now can be hurt. I've been hurt, whether it matters to God or the people who hurt me or their children doesn't matter to me. It doesn't give me a license to hurt others in my anger. It would make me no better than these people.
Sherryh, if I reveal much about myself, IFB circles are small enough; you could probably figure out my home church and some of the churches I attended. My version goes against these men's reputations or their children's eulogies of the men they loved. These men are everything to their children and whoever just has to believe in them.
I walked away from people because their secrets were more important than me. That church has done all it can to rewrite it's history of covering incest, rape, and attempted rape. They have to rewrite it to get a pastor in there. I am in the shadows of that church. It angers me greatly to see the lying and cover ups continue.
I went to HAC because of a sexual advance and wanted to avoid a possible rape. I found safety in the dorms at HAC amidst all their crazy drama and disfunction, too. I wanted to believe in something and tried to until their kids came out about it.
It matters what happened to Joy Evan's Ryder whether her story is being told perfectly to everyone's liking or not. Somewhere between our emotionally charged hurtful stories and these men's stories and their eulogized memories lies the truth. I am trying to hold on to a God I once believed in, hoping He's not like any of these men, and hoping He's not Someone that was made up as a crutch to hold on to like Obama supposedly said about believers.
If God is real, and I sincerely want to believe He is, for my sake, because He really doesn't need me, does He care about what is happening to women, children, our country, our citizens, this world, or has He finally said enough is enough?
When I started at my current IFB about 8 years ago I made it clear I was uncommitted and unpastorable from the beginning. First meeting with the pastor I told the pastor my wife wears pants and we don't believe in eternal security. On top of that told him I had a preference for KJV (I did at the time) but that I'm not KJVO. So expectations were set from the beginning. On the downside some of the assistant pastors did try to get me resaved along the way.
You don't need to be afraid of some of the members. One of them has more than a "tmj" problem.I deleted out most of all my posts. I'd appreciate it if the administrators of the site or those who have posted on my comments would delete my posts as well. Sorry I vented and griped about it all. I appreciated those who were compassionate, encouraging, and very patient. Thank you, SherryH for your offer of friendship. I wish you all the very best. I will keep my registration long enough to see if my posts can be deleted in their entirety. Please don't post on this comment so that this post can be deleted as well. Best wishes to you and yours.