The answer is really very simple. One needs to join with a genuine Christian mission and get under some genuine discipleship. There is nothing new under the sun. No one is suffering a kind of abuse or deception today that the church in hasn't seen since Jesus walked the earth.
At the heart of your questions is the matter of who to trust. Once having been burnt by religion, I imagine that it would be a very cautious step forward. So my short answer is…find a doctrinally sound grace filled church, and sit under the wise teachers and pastors, soaking up the rightly divided word.
We must never put confidence in the world.
I have a long time friend who escaped "The Way" cult. He was intelligent and a true believer. He would engage anyone who ever approached him, knowing ahead of time their cultic leanings. He liked to nail them.
I like that. If the preaching is Biblical, and he is a true believer, or truly searching, Jesus said "My sheep know my voice" so he would be drawn to truth.
The problem for my loved one in DE cult is they believe they are on a higher plain than "apostate" churches. They can talk the Bible with the best of them. We have been in church for over 40 years. Currently not "in" church because of their involvement in DE and their "special or hidden" revelations. And frankly, while we have been in several good churches, there seems to be a point where the pastor might lead up to something in God's word that would take some serious reflection on the individuals part, and then change the subject. It's so frustrating.
These are the most dangerous of cults. When I was being discipled about 40 years ago, Walter Martin was the authority on cults. His book, The Kingdom of the Cults, was prized among the IFB circles I walked with. The definition of a cult according to Martin, is a religious group whose writings are on par with or supercede the scriptures, they deny the deity of Christ, and/or preach a works oriented salvation. The Mormons, the JWs, SDA, fit these definitions thus we kept our recognition of cults confined to such groups.
One smart enough to get away will be willing to work hard and get a secular, accredited education. They might take a break from church houses for a bit, but not a break from Jesus. They can find a like-minded mate and plot their course. I did it and I’ve never been sorry, never gone back, and never would!
I can understand the desire to take a break from the "Church House" but I would never recommend breaking away from the fellowship of God's people. There certainly are trust issues that need to be worked through and hopefully they could find a pastor and pastoral counseling that is sensitive to this.
Trust issues are a big problem. I always steer clear of “pastoral counseling “. As Mary Richards did, “Love is all around no need to waste it. You can have the town why don’t you take it? You might just make it after all”! There is some sage advice in that song! Don’t be so afraid of the world. It’s not nearly as bad as they tell you! You can still be a Christian out here in the world, I do it every day!
Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
Scriptures certainly teach against a wordly attitude/mindset. I think what sawthru means is that Christians don't have to withdraw from everything that involves non-Christians. (don't send your kids to Devil U., etc.) I think our country is in a mess because Christians have withdrawn from society and tried to replicate everything in a strictly Christian subculture so that they don't have to rub elbows with the lost.
I get what you're saying but I'm giving a counterpoint... Too often Christians take in worldly philosophies hook line and sinker and use the line, "we're supposed to be in the world, not of the world" as an excuse.