The Memorial Stone.

[Tarheel Baptist]

A woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name.

After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left.

The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke?"

The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the church, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone."

The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? Wow, how big was it?"

Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats."

 

[Walt]

A woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name.

After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left.

The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke?"

The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the church, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone."

The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? Wow, how big was it?"

Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats."

Ha ha.

$5000 is very cheap for a funeral.

I'm rather perturbed at the "obligatory donation to the church" at 25% of what he left.

And she spent the rest on a diamond, eh?  I hope she likes eating it - not sure how she will provide the necessities of life.

The widow is a dope.

I KNOW it's just a joke, but I think it could have been done much better.

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

A woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name.

After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left.

The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke?"

The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the church, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone."

The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? Wow, how big was it?"

Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats."

Ha ha.

$5000 is very cheap for a funeral.

I'm rather perturbed at the "obligatory donation to the church" at 25% of what he left.

And she spent the rest on a diamond, eh?  I hope she likes eating it - not sure how she will provide the necessities of life.

The widow is a dope.

I KNOW it's just a joke, but I think it could have been done much better.

Wonder what a sense of humor goes for?  ;D

 

[wtyson]

A woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name.

After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left.

The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke?"

The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the church, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone."

The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? Wow, how big was it?"

Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats."

Ha ha.

$5000 is very cheap for a funeral.

I'm rather perturbed at the "obligatory donation to the church" at 25% of what he left.

And she spent the rest on a diamond, eh?  I hope she likes eating it - not sure how she will provide the necessities of life.

The widow is a dope.

I KNOW it's just a joke, but I think it could have been done much better.

Wonder what a sense of humor goes for?  ;D

WOW...not even a joke can get a laugh but rather a scornful swipe. No wonder the FFF has died. Its one thing to debate but when folks can't even tell jokes or be cordial.

 

[sword]

You all are selling this guy short. He was cheap that's why he did not have any life insurance, but he worked hard for 40 years.

When he retired this year, he qualified for max social security of $2629.00 a month and she will qualify for 100% of that because she is 66 years old. If she was 59 years old she would only get 71%.

He also worked for an chemical company for 40 years, and his pension was $3000 month. She is entitled to 75% of that which is $2250 a month. He also had around $80,000 in company stock from bonuses in his 401 K that he never touched. Their home and 2 cars are completely paid for and they have no debt. She will net around $5000 a month in retirement income.

 

[BALAAM]

A woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name.

After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left.

The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke?"

The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the church, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone."

The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? Wow, how big was it?"

Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats."

Ha ha.

$5000 is very cheap for a funeral.

I'm rather perturbed at the "obligatory donation to the church" at 25% of what he left.

And she spent the rest on a diamond, eh?  I hope she likes eating it - not sure how she will provide the necessities of life.

The widow is a dope.

I KNOW it's just a joke, but I think it could have been done much better.

Wonder what a sense of humor goes for?  ;D

I am not sure, but I can guarantee you that some ifb pastor will come up with a value and demand that you tithe on it! ;D

 

[Walt]

A woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name.

After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left.

The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke?"

The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the church, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone."

The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? Wow, how big was it?"

Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats."

Ha ha.

$5000 is very cheap for a funeral.

I'm rather perturbed at the "obligatory donation to the church" at 25% of what he left.

And she spent the rest on a diamond, eh?  I hope she likes eating it - not sure how she will provide the necessities of life.

The widow is a dope.

I KNOW it's just a joke, but I think it could have been done much better.

Wonder what a sense of humor goes for?  ;D

WOW...not even a joke can get a laugh but rather a scornful swipe. No wonder the FFF has died. Its one thing to debate but when folks can't even tell jokes or be cordial.

The ending punchline is funny - an unexpected twist, but a church demanding 25% of a supposedly poor widow was a distraction, as was the funeral costing $5000.  These items detracted from the joke, as did a widow complaining of being out of money.

How about this?

A woman's husband dies, and his life insurance is only worth $20,000.

A few weeks after the funeral is over, she tells her closest friend that his life insurance barely covered the expenses.

The friend says, "How can that be?  You said that he left $20,000 in insurance."

The widow replies, "Well, the funeral expenses ate up quite a bit, and the rest went for a memorial stone."

The friend says, "Wow! It must be quite some memorial stone! How big is it?"

Extending her hand, the widow replies, "Thee carats"

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

Well, that changes everything! [emoji56]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[T-Bone]

You know there is no way someone is going to think the joke is funny if they have to change it to fit their particulars.

 

[Walt]

You know there is no way someone is going to think the joke is funny if they have to change it to fit their particulars.

OK; as I explained, the details given in the OP caused me enough of a distraction to nearly miss the joke.  I tend to focus on details.  The OP didn't indicate it was a joke, so I was reading it seriously, and got caught up in the details that sounded bogus.

 

[T-Bone]

You know there is no way someone is going to think the joke is funny if they have to change it to fit their particulars.

OK; as I explained, the details given in the OP caused me enough of a distraction to nearly miss the joke.  I tend to focus on details.  The OP didn't indicate it was a joke, so I was reading it seriously, and got caught up in the details that sounded bogus.

Hey brother, we've all done it! ?

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

Lets try this one Walt:

A man had 30 pre-schoolers at his home for his daughter's fifth birthday party.
His scheduled entertainment...a magician plus a clown...were both hospitalized in an auto accident on the way to the party.

He was was frantic until he saw two men cutting weeds on the lake front in his back yard.
Suddenly one of the men jumped about 5 feet off the ground...turned a triple flip, landed and immediately did a double back flip.
He rushed to the other man and said, If your friend will do that for my kid's birthday party, i'll give you $500.
Let me ask him , he replied.

He yelled to his friend, (laying on the ground after his acrobatic demonstration).
"Hey Jim! For $500 will you let me cut off your other big toe?"

 

[Walt]

Lets try this one Walt:

A man had 30 pre-schoolers at his home for his daughter's fifth birthday party.
His scheduled entertainment...a magician plus a clown...were both hospitalized in an auto accident on the way to the party.

He was was frantic until he saw two men cutting weeds on the lake front in his back yard.
Suddenly one of the men jumped about 5 feet off the ground...turned a triple flip, landed and immediately did a double back flip.
He rushed to the other man and said, If your friend will do that for my kid's birthday party, i'll give you $500.
Let me ask him , he replied.

He yelled to his friend, (laying on the ground after his acrobatic demonstration).
"Hey Jim! For $500 will you let me cut off your other big toe?"

Enjoyed it, personally, although there are places I would feel uncomfortable repeating it.

 

[Tarheel Baptist]

What about this one, Walt?


Trying to control my dry hair, I treated my scalp with olive oil before washing it.

Worried that the oil might leave an odor, I washed my hair several times.

That night when I went to bed, I leaned over to my husband and asked, "Do I smell like olive oil?"

"No," he said, sniffing me.

"Do I smell like Popeye?"

 

[Walt]

What about this one, Walt?


Trying to control my dry hair, I treated my scalp with olive oil before washing it.

Worried that the oil might leave an odor, I washed my hair several times.

That night when I went to bed, I leaned over to my husband and asked, "Do I smell like olive oil?"

"No," he said, sniffing me.

"Do I smell like Popeye?"

Sure; gave me a laugh.

I'm not the arbiter of humor, or even FFF humor.  I just said why the OP humor didn't appeal to me.