Smellin Coffee said:
The church I attend meets only on Saturday nights until the local brewery will open up their building to us this summer so we can have Sunday morning services instead.
Well, the church burned down and no one knew
What Penecost Baptist was gonna do
The Sunday brimstom got so dadgum hot
In burned up a church bus in the parkin' lot
In a panick the reverend Dr. White
Called up an ex-member than hadn't lived right
He owned Joe's beer joint right across the fence
It's the same Joe's he'd preached against
He said I don't really want to be a hypocrite
I got a Sunday school class that's about to split
We're all excited about revival week
And moved by the spirit so to speak
With all the souls we saved and the money we spent
We thought God told us to sell that tent
I got a famous evangelist supposed to come
And done run out of chairs, will you loan us some?
Joe says you can just use the whole dang place
A9 on the jukebox "Amazing Grace"
I ain't supposed to open because of them blue laws
But we'll open tonight if it's allright with y'all
Preacher said well I reckon that'd be OK
The good Lord works in mysterious ways
I was gonna talk about Joshua, Judges and Ruth
And I reckon I can do it from the DJ booth
At the First Baptist Bar and Grill
It's the only church in the bible belt that smells like a whisky still
When the sinners finish one more round
We'll have dinner on the ground
And go inside and pray we don't get killed
The evangelist came with a well-dressed choir
They showed up around happy hour
Looked around the joint and didn't take it real well
Said the White ministry has gone to hell
Ms. Mills that taught youth Sunday school
And two deacons in the back room shootin' pool
Were sharin' the Lord with a Jim Beam rep
Who was teachin' Ms. Mills some line dance steps
Reverend White was readin' from the book of Luke
To a tall, drunk trucker about to puke
He had John 3:16 memorized
Tryin' to dried him out to get him baptised
The evangilist yelled about the lights and the beer
Said White you can't save any souls in here
This place ain't nothin' but a den of sin
Ain't the kind of place Baptists ought to be in
Preacher said well we don't really need y'all here
You didn't do a very good job last year
Only saved one sinner, that's Todd McGuire
And he's the fellow that set my church on fire
Joe's beer joint has done been revived
Only been here an hour and I done saved five.
Sure it's got mirrors and a big dance floor
But I finally found the flock God called me for.
At the First Baptist Bar and Grill
It's the only church in the bible belt that (F) smells like a whisky still
Not a stained glass window anywhere in site,
Just a blood-stained floor and neon lights,
And the communion wine in here is always chilled.
We're here every Sunday; We're livin' large;
We're the only church with a cover charge.
And if you don't like our doctrine and think we ain't devout,
We'll have our bouncer throw you out ...
Of the First Baptist Bar and Grill
