The OFFICIAL "You might be a Hacker if...." thread!

RAIDER

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On the "old" FFF I started a thread titled "You might be a Hacker if...".  We had an absolute blast posting a variety of traits.  I doubt there has been another thread that caused us to laugh more.

I stayed with the "old" FFF until the ship totally sank.  I was blindly loyal right to the end.  When I joined the "new" FFF an imposter had started the same thread.  It's piracy I tell you, blatant piracy!

After seeing some discussion of the Hacker Thread today, the Binaca has started to flow once again.  I stood outside of Smellin's office for hours to receive counsel.  With tears streaming down his face he said, "RAIDER, destiny calls".  It's like I have received fresh oil.  It has become my duty to once again start the OFFICIAL "You might be a Hacker if...." thread!

Old timers, I need your help.  Let's see how many traits you can remember.  Newbies, you can add a fresh dimension.  Let me see your work.

Hacker Nation, let's do this!!
 
YMBAHI...

...you stand in line for hours for less than 2 minutes in helping you decide to make a decision you would have made anyway!
 
I will start with what I feel was possibly the funniest trait on the old FFF.  It was originally posted by Smellin.

YMBAH if....

your wife's intimate apparel includes blue denim and lace.
 
YMBAHI...

...you start a Catholic church across the street so you have another church you can preach against.
 
YMBAHI...

...you leave 6 inches of space between the floor and office door so children can slip peanut butter cups and pennies underneath...
 
YMBAH if....

On the day of your wedding you refuse to put your arm around your bride in the pre-wedding picture because you would be closer than 6 inches and you weren't married yet.
 
YMBAHI...

...you have men walk you from the office to the pulpit, even though your church attendance is about 40 people.
 
YMBAH if.......

You refer to your church as the "Old church downtown" even though it is new and in the country.
 
YMBAH if...................you read an announcement for a wedding and say this couple come from two of our finest families..... and only twenty people attend your church.
 
YMBAH if..........

you've turned your best friend in for  reading his Bible past curfew and later he thanked you.
 
YMBAH if........

you have no idea that you have the right to vote "No" in a church business meeting.
 
YMBAH if...

...in an effort to help an elderly congregant to stop smoking his pipe, you counsel him to put Binaca in it instead of tobacco...
 
YMBAH if......

you ever prayed to God that He might delay the rapture until you got married so you could have sex.
 
YMBAH if..........

you are going to teach a class on Biographies of Great Men and you include a chapter on yourself.
 
YMBAH if...

...you listen to MacArthur on the radio, steal his outline and then preach against him as a heretic...
 
YMBAH if........

you honestly believe that clinical depression can be cured by baking chocolate chip cookies.
 
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