Gringo, I apologize for some of my friends here! Many have little desire for meaningful theological discussion as you may notice that the most active threads have things to do with "What are you listening to" or silly pursuits like participation in the "Longest thread in the history of the FFF" (I started it - guilty, but did so to prove a point). When attention is directed towards spiritual matters, pride and arrogance often dominates the conversation and the goal is more often defending one's "Position" rather than "What saith the scriptures!" When someone such as yourself come into our midst, we should be reminded as to why God has placed us where he has and to redirect us to our chief mission so I do thank you for being here!
I believe that many are frustrated with your state of disbelief and why won't you just "Get saved." You perfectly illustrate the fact that salvation is "Of God and By God," and is all of God, all of Grace, and none of us! The new birth is something that is every bit as supernatural and miraculous as your first birth. No one asks to be born but everyone who is born desires to LIVE! One who has not been "raised to life" has no interest in life because he has no comprehension of what such a life means!
You seem to be somewhat of an anomaly being that you are unconverted yet you have a deep curiosity and an interest in spiritual matters? In other words, you are an unbeliever but not a scoffing unbeliever!
My understanding is that you had once "Professed Christ" and spent time at one of the "Fundamentalist" Bible Colleges mentioned here? You had a "Bad Experience" which pushed you away from God and Christianity but yet something within you desires to believe there is "Truth" to be found somewhere?
The "Two Sides of the Same Coin" analogy comes up often when we speak of salvation. Perhaps there are many "Coins" or perhaps just many facets to where the "Coin" analogy simply falls short? The two sides I wish to focus upon are that of "God's Sovereignty" and "Man's Responsibility." God is sovereign in whom he saves and no one is saved aside from God's unconditional grace! However, man has the responsibility to REPENT AND BELIEVE THE GOSPEL! I recall listening to a lecture from John Gerstner speaking of a small group in his congregation who were unconverted yet had been "Waiting for years for God to 'regenerate' them." Something just doesn't sit right with me regarding such a situation. It is true that God must "regenerate" one to repentance and faith whereby they may believe but we are also COMMANDED BY GOD to repent and believe the gospel so which is it?
I would therefore ask you some probing questions as to what may be holding you back from trusting Christ? I understand this is a public forum so please do not feel compelled to share all your dark secrets. You know them and God most certainly does and this is what matters. The scriptures say that it is OUR SINS that have separated us from God (Isa 59:2) and the specifics of such sin differs from one to the other but with the same result. I would say that perhaps the greatest sin is that of pride, that we are quite content with our lives and that we desire to live our life apart and outside of God's sovereignty! We desperately desire to hold on to such sin and to convince ourselves that all is well! Notice that the world looks for answers anywhere and everywhere else besides God? What are you holding onto?
I do pray that faith FINDS YOU my friend! You can message me if you would like to talk personally.
)